we haven't lost it all yet.

I really just need to get back to school, I think. I'm having a blast over break, and I've still got a lot of fun stuff to do, but I'd just sort of like to...get on with it already.

I don't even know what so expect out of this semester. One more semester and then I'm done. I'm just worried that like, none of it is real. I'm not even sure what I mean by that. It's like, it's only five and a half months, and then I'm going to have to go through this all over again. Or that's what it feels like. I just don't see the point of investing in a whole slew of new things since I'll be leaving for good (no seriously this time...) again so soon.

The only things I'm really focused on this semester are doing really good school work to show that I'm not a total fuck up, being a really good friend and brother, and making music with Matt.

I'm tired of waiting around. Come on second semester, hurry UP!

Lady Gaga - Viva La Vida (Coldplay Cover)

This is from a couple of months ago, but I still love it.

Syndicate

Don't know what you're made of,
'til the one thing that you want
Is coming with the dawn,
and suddenly changes.
Monday's syndicate
means everyone's the same,
And all we've lost
to the flame
listen to me now...

Baby close your eyes,
don't open till the morning light.
Don't ever forget,
we haven't lost it all yet.
All we know for sure,
is all that we are fighting for
Baby don't forget,
we haven't lost it all yet.

Winter Song.

I found this song about a week too late last year and have waited an entire year for it to be relevant again. It's so beautiful.

Roadtrip in the USA: Day 3

So today was the third and final day of the cross country roadtrip.

We left Springfield Missouri at about 7am and made it home around four. Today's ride was pretty boring, but we did end up going right through St. Louis which was really cool. And, from the time we left to when we got home, there was more and more snow, which was kind of fun. And then i realized how cold it was. Not so fun anymore, ha.

It was really good to get home, kind of like I could finally exhale. But not really. This whole situation is getting wierder and wierder by the minute. From the time it happened, I've been trying to focus on the positives so I don't go crazy, but now it's all really starting to sink in. I kind of feel some anger and bitterness coming on, but I'm doing my best to shake them off, because they're not going to help anything. No matter what, there is still a lot of good coming out of this.

Monday night is my parent's annual Shortest Day of the Year Party which I'm really looking forward too. It's my favorite part of the year! I'm helping my Mom set up for that tomorrow, which will be fun.

I think one of the things that this whole experience has really made me realize is how truly awesome my friends are. I'm so lucky to have people like them.

P.S. It's so cold. Welcome back to the midwest.

P.P.S. Maybe now that my LA thrill ride is over, I can use this blog for what I had origionally intended to, hyping things at school and stuff like that. Yay!

Roadtrip in the USA: Day 2

Another day on the road, done! We went from Albequerque New Mexico and stopped in Springfield Misourri. LONG Drive. But like I said, spending an entire day in the car isn't horrible if you're expecting to do so.

We made a stop off in Tulsa to visit my cousin, his girlfriend and their new baby. That was so much fun, and a nice surprise because I wasn't sure if we'd actually be able to make it.

I guess going into this, I neglected to realize how SOUTH we were going. So everytime my Dad and I stopped for lunch at a little roadside diner, I really got slapped in the face with it. Definitely not in LA anymore, that's for sure. All of the accents and cowboy hats are totally authentic. I die.

I'm glad I'm going to be home tomorrow. I'm not ready for the cold, but other than that, it will be nice. I feel like this winter break thing I'm on might possibly be really wierd and get me all crazy in the head thinking about everything, but I'm hoping it will just give me a chance to calm down about lots of things, my past and future.

Eight more hours on the road and then I'm home!!!

Roadtrip in the USA: Day 1.

Another BlackBerry hotel bed blog! My fav.

My Dad and I left LA at 6:30am this morning, and after a quick detour to West Coast Choppers in Long Beach (what a way to start the morning), we were off.

Driving for an entire day wasn't as monsterous as I'd imagined. But then again, I've got two more days of this so we'll see how I hold up.

It was crazy, first we drove through the desert, and then a couple of hours later, we were in the snowy mountians. Fun! And wierd! We ate at a diner called "Wagon Wheel" from which I died of excitement because of the song Matt and I love.

I got an email from my boss that said I didn't train the temp that's taking my position to do something that's very important, but I did. That kind of threw off my whole day, I was not expecting that. Like, I DID teach her, period. And also, I really cared about that job and took it seriously, so when someone accuses me of not doing something correctly, I tend to take it really personally. I beat myself up about that stuff. And I'm sorry, like, I only found out I was leaving (slash getting fucked by the company) last Thursday, and not more than a week later, I'm moving back home, going back to school, and doing it all in the middle of finals week. All things considered, I think I covered all my bases pretty well. God, it just frustrated me. AND, I had no one to train me to do all of the important things that I helped her out with, thank you very much. If I, of all people, can figure it out, she can too.

Sorry, I don't mean to vent. It's just I left on such good terms and did my best to make sure everything was taken care of before I left despite everything else I had going on. I'd kind of just like to live my life in peace for a minute or two.

This roadtripping thing is pretty cool actually. I'm not hating it nearly as much as expected, yet. Tomorrow we're shooting to hit Tulsa, at least, and then home by Saturday.

I'm sort of disenchanted with a lot of things right now. I hope I can just go back to school and immerse myself in the second semester of my senior year and just CHILL OUT for a while. It's been a long five months. I'm reevaluating some things too. Who knows. Everything is still so fresh, I think I just need to...stop thinking.

I'm excited for roadtrip day 2!!!