I Feel It In My Bones.

I'm not big on dance music, at all. But this is a song that one of my favorite bands Tegan & Sara did with Tiesto and I absolutely love it.



Hypnotizing.

"Welcome to the beginning..."

I really can't start the trend of going to bed later than I should again. It's things like YouTube, poetry, listening to music, and THIS BLOG that always get me. But it's not that late yet, and here I am.

Also, I promise not to write a bunch of pointless updates just for the sake of updating, but it was my second day, cut me some slack.

So I'm happy to report that my second day was as good as the first, which is good. Lots of juggling publicists and footage and paperwork, stuff like that. It's a really great environment for me to be in and I really look up to the people I work for. After a summer of working with them, it's a great feeling to actually work WITH them. Anyway, I'm all smiles. And great outfits.

So I finished my second appeal. We'll see what the rest of the week has in store for me and my future. I'm keeping a safe distance from the whole situation when I'm not dealing directly with it, in case things don't go exactly like I want, I won't be too totally crushed.

If I was ever honest with anyone, then it would be apparent how much I really have riding on this situation. Not just Monmouth, but this ENTIRE situation. Like I said, safe distance.

Tomorrow night, I'm gonna try to find this open mic that focuses on poetry & the spoken word that I've been hearing about. Really, I'm just going to try not to get devastatingly lost. Wish me luck.

(When I haven't been spinning Ursa Major by Third Eye Blind on repeat, which is almost never) I've been listening to this song a lot lately. I don't even know why, but I just really like it right now. I know I know, it's Dashboard Confessional, womp womp. I think it's the line:
no one is alone,
the way you are alone.
And you held her looser than you would
if you ever could have known.



I don't know, I just think that's really well put, in general. And that last line kind of relates to my last...well, my previous...my junior year of college.

Anyway. Can't wait to see what's in store for the rest of the week!

First Day. !

My first day at as Press Manager at MTV went very, very well. Here's a quick rundown:

Got up, showered, got dressed, blah blah blah. My outfit was very “Mad Men,” great for a first day. My first thought as I put on my dress pants was “Oh my god you can totally see my dick through these pants.” Well I made it work. Or worked it. However you want to look at it. (I am classier before eight in the morning than most people are ALL DAY. Clearly.) Rode to work, fixed my bike hair, got my badge from Loretta the security guard/psychic/witch doctor (swear to god she predicted I was getting hired for this job. “Baby just make sure they pay you this time!” Thanks Loretta.) And I made my way up to fourth floor to my new desk.

It really felt like my bosses were happy to see me. I know that sounds stupid, but I really do like them all, a lot, so that was nice. Got things situated, and just sort of started with the day. And then the interns got there. The interns. I have interns. What? Ridiculous. I can not take myself seriously at any given time. They've all only been there a day or two, so it was nice. So the morning was spent getting myself and them situated. Juggling phones and publicists and paperwork. And alliteration, apparently.

Since I interned in the same department this summer, and especially because I was the only intern there for two weeks at the end of the summer, I already know a lot of that I need to do for this job, which is really nice. I'm trying to cover my bases and learn all of the stuff I don't know before I need to do it. Like, what the hell is an invoice and how do I do one electronically. Why am I handling the corporate card? Eek! I'm determined to figure this all out by the end of this week.

In the afternoon, I had to interview another potential intern (WHAT.) which would have been fine, but when I ran down to the lobby, it was apparently a great time to have a FIRE DRILL. So here's me dragging this poor girl outside while trying to get to know her but not start the interview yet, meanwhile a ton of people from around the office kept being like “oh my GOD you work here now? SHUT UP!” Plus it was hot as balls. Great. But we finally got back in the building and I interviewed her (no really, just roll that one around) and gave her the job.

The rest of the day was spent just, you know, doing my job! I love it, I really do. I feel so happy, like I'm in the right place. And I know that there will be days when it's going to be a huge bitch, but I'm ready.

Anyway. I'm excited to go back tomorrow!

I just finished drafting my second appeal to Monmouth. And it's good, I mean real good. But you know what? At this point, it feels like no matter what I write or how good it is, it's not going to matter. I am trying to tell myself that I'm not fighting a losing battle here. I guess we'll see.

"and I think there’s a reason
At least there’s a sign
And all that we call chaos
I will say it’s by design
But I’m just lying

What you need is a sharp knife, son
To come back down from an all time low"
Sharp Knife - Third Eye Blind

Well.

Amidst everything going on right now, tomorrow morning I start my job. It's the catalyst for everything lately, and it's finally here. I'm content. I'm anxious. I'm ready.

So here's the thing.

Remember when Monmouth told me that I was clear to do my senior year from Los Angeles and graduate on time?

Yea, so do I.

I got the ok from all of the professors I'd be working with and set up how we would do it and all, and then some guy I've never met comes out of no where and rejects my whole plan because he has a problem with me taking Citizenship as an independent study. Out of all the classes, Citizenship? Whatever.

Fun fact: Citizenship is a Monmouth Core Class, meaning I can only take it at Monmouth. So if I can't take this class, I can't graduate from Monmouth, making it pointless for me to take any classes from there while I'm out here.

So I was free to appeal his decision to some admissions board, and everyone told me i had a really good chance to have it passed, especially because they just had a situation like this come up, and the student appealed and had it granted. So I appealed.

When I landed at LAX yesterday, I turned on my BlackBerry and was informed that my appeal had been rejected.

That was Friday afternoon. I emailed Doc and just said "My appeal got denied, I don't really know where to go from here." I think there's one more appeal process I can go through with some Dean, but at this point, I keep thinking, what's the point? If they're not gonna let me do this, then they're not gonna let me do this. I can appeal it 300 times and that won't change anything.

It just blows my mind that it's ONE CLASS, and the professor and I sat down and went over the plan of how we'd do it, and everything was just great. And now some guy that I don't know, who doesn't know me, doesn't know my work, doesn't know anything about me, has the right to put the breaks on my last year of college, telling me I can't graduate from Monmouth. Pardon the language, but that's fucked up.

So i just don't know what I'm going to do. I can't help but feel really betrayed by Monmouth at this point. Everyone on the faculty has been telling me that it's the school's job to help me succeed, so I'm like THEN HELP ME SUCCEED. It all just seems so backwards at this point. Small school politics? I hope not.

I just can't understand it.

But I will not be told that I am making a mistake. I know that I'm doing the right thing. I just didn't expect to be punished for doing so.

Friday Morning.

Well, Thursday night I guess, but it's twelve minutes after midnight so I can still call it Friday morning.

I'm all packed and ready to go. I'm not nervous or anxious or freaking out, I'm just, ready. I have a good feeling that once I get there, it's going to feel like breathing a huge sigh of relief. That's what I'm betting on, at least.

I STILL haven't heard back from Monmouth. But I'm thinking that no news is good news. It would be the case that my ability to finish school and graduate from college while LA would come down to my ability to take one class. No no, not my ability, the willingness of someone I've never meant to give me "the ok" to do this. I'm honestly not worried. I'm ready to fight for this.

Um. While I fully understand what I'm doing/what I'm about to do, I still don't think it's really hit me yet. But I don't mean that to sound as if I'm unprepared. Me? Unprepared? Please.

I'm sure that my suitcases weigh too much to be checked tomorrow. Shit.

All dramatics and poetics aside, I'm just, ready.

And lucky.

Sunday Morning.

It's Sunday, and I'm trying to pull together a list of everything I need to do before I leave this coming Saturday Friday, apparently. I love making lists, I'm so OCD. Here's what I've got so far.

Buy plane tickets
Purchase text books
Take the train into Chicago to see my best friend Michael.
Buy a few pairs of slim fitting dress pants that don't make me look like an orphan.
Mail mixes/the new 3eb album to Kassi, Mo, and Matt.
Order the rush shirts for the guys
Not forget that I still am a college student and actually have work to do.
The Garage
The Overpass

ALSO: Third Eye Blind's new album came out this past week. I'm obviously a huge 3eb fan, and I was very excited to hear it. I was a little apprehensive though, because it's taken them six years to get this one out, and I wasn't sure it was possible for anything to live up to that much hype. Well I'm happy to say, it did. I really can't explain how killer this album is, from beginning to end, it's a hit. Part of me feels like it was written especially for me at this point and time in my life, go figure. It's kind of funny, I started my summer off with Third Eye Blind, seeing them in Chicago two days before I left for L.A., and now I'm ending my summer with them.